IM GLAD IT MENTIONED BEES ARE DYING BECAUSE LEMME TELL YOU: WITHOUT BEES WE ALL DIE
When Electric Eels want to tell other eels that they are in love, they emit an electric shock with either an extremely high frequency or extremely low frequency depending on who they are speaking to.
When birds want to communicate with one another they sing back and forth to one another, duetting their feelings, their fears, their worries, their desires, their dreams, their love letters through song.
When Chimpanzees greet each other, they touch hands, somewhat like humans do when they shake hands, but more intimately - as if they were saying, “I have missed you so very much; I must remember how you feel.”
When Elephants are in love, they entwine their trunks and wish to never be parted. When Otters fall asleep, they hold hands, so that they are not separated as they drift in the water. When Giraffes are in love, they press their necks together to show affection. Horses rub noses and Whales leap out of the water and Swans entangle their necks together.
What I am saying is this: I think we have it wrong. I want to get rid of the human language. I don’t want to talk to you. I don’t want to tell you that I love you, that I care for you, that I desire you to be next to me - I want to touch your hands. How do you feel? Are you warm? I want to press my neck to yours until I can match your pulse. Are you nervous? I want to hold your hand, before we drift away, because we both know what this means. I want to leap out of the water and have you understand that I LOVE YOU with everything but words.
Humans have it wrong. We listen to what is said, but we forget what it means to kiss with desire and touch like we want to remember and make love like it actually exists."
my life is pretty much when you throw something on your bed and it bounces until it falls on the floor
So, she is dying. It’s really come down to it. I’ve been expecting this for a while now, but I’ve kept pushing the thought away because I just can’t deal with it. It hurts too much. But seeing her today hurt more than the thought of her dying because I can see now that it’s happening. Her feet, legs, and abdomen are swollen because they are filled with fluid because either her liver, or her kidneys, or both are failing. I tried to talk to her, but she kept nodding off now and then, and when she did talk she sounded like she was struggling to breathe. I just watched her sometimes when she nodded off for a second and looked at her, because I want to memorize her face, and what she smells like, and what it’s like to be that lucky to be in someone’s presence.
At one point she woke up and said “I love you. I will never leave you. I’ll always be there.” She started to cry, so I starting tearing up but I willed myself to stop because I don’t want her to know how sad I am that she will not be around much longer. I do not know how to live without her and I don’t want to know because I can’t imagine her not being here. When she dies she’s just gone, just like that. For me, there is no seeing her again, because I don’t believe in that, she’s just going to die. All that life and all that beauty and courage and brightness will just be gone. And it hurts. It will always hurt..